


(for science)

by a_mere_trifle



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Mini-Davesprites
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-15
Updated: 2010-07-15
Packaged: 2017-10-10 13:44:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/100416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_mere_trifle/pseuds/a_mere_trifle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(mini-davesprites!) Rose decides to test the cognitive capabilities of Dave's freshly-minted feathery fascimilies. For science, of course.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(for science)

**Author's Note:**

> So, uh, remember [the brilliant mini-Davesprites](http://www.mspaintadventures.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?p=752255#p752255)? Yeah... I was trying to finish a paper, when suddenly this happened. Weeks later. Out of nowhere. I hope that's all right...

GG: hey rose did you get the package yet?   
TT: Yes, I suppose I have.   
GG: omg arent they the cutest thing you have ever seen in your life???   
TT: I suppose they have their aesthetic appeal.  
TT: However, I am more disturbed yet intrigued by the workings of a mind which would not only acquiece to creating multiple guardian clones in miniature, but actually instigate the idea itself.  
TT: Were the subject matter even remotely within the bounds of credibility, my future career in psychology would already be secured.  
TT: The sheer volume of the papers that could be written...   
GG: well I just think it was sweet of him!!  
GG: he really worries about us you know.  
GG: i think it's that whole john dying thing O_o   
TT: I had surmised as much, yes.  
TT: But I thank you for your incisive commentary.   
GG: anyway theyre soooo adorable &lt;3 &lt;3  
GG: even if all they can really do is talk and sleep!  
GG: mini birdsprite daves it is one of the most wonderful things to ever happen   
TT: Hmm. Their cognition does seem to be somewhat limited.   
GG: huh?   
TT: I wonder-- are they full clones of Dave? Or has the vast multiplication or the decrease in size affected their cognitive capabilities?   
GG: well they seem like dave to me!   
TT: Clearly I must look into this.  
TT: For science.   
GG: uh rose?  
GG: what do you mean look into this?   
TT: I merely intend to pursue quantitative enquiries into the cognitive capacities of these tiny feathery blockheads.  
TT: Only to conduct a few standard psychological tests.  
TT: To provide us with a baseline for interacting with these creatures.   
GG: but do we really have the time for that?  
GG: and besides, theyre just dave!   
TT: Nonsense.  
TT: Psychology is a proper science, Jade.  
TT: And in science, no hypothesis is truly viable until it is put to the test.  
TT: Excuse me for a few moments.   
GG: uh rose?  
GG: rose?   
*tentacleTherapist [ TT ] has become an idle chum*  
  
GG: oh noooooo

 

TT: Really, I hardly think such a reaction is justified.  
TT: What exactly do you presume that I intend?   
GG: i dunno!  
GG: you just seem all crafty and things  
GG: and i keep thinking of lab rats. bad things happen to lab rats!!   
TT: Mainly in the fields of biology.  
TT: Psychological lab rats are perfectly safe.  
TT: The worst that can happen to them is to be put in a maze with some phat beats.  
TT: I mean, cheese.   
GG: omg did you put one in a maze?!  
GG: i guess thats not too bad but still!   
TT: Don't worry, the electric shock on the corridor floors is almost entirely negligible.  
TT: You'd barely even be able to feel it.   
GG: electric shock?!?!?!!  
GG: rooooose! no no no!! you cant do that!!   
TT: Jade.  
TT: Come on.  
TT: You know I would never harm one of these creatures.  
TT: And think about that a moment more.  
TT: Electric shock on the floors, Jade.   
GG: ooooh  
GG: yeah, they float!!   
TT: Aw, I do believe it's trying to flip me the bird.  
TT: Surprising articulation in those pinions, though it still can't achieve the effect it's going for.  
TT: That is adorable.   
GG: i...   
TT: That's certainly the expected reaction.  
TT: Still, I wonder just how comprehensively it mimics its elder brother....  
TT: There are fascinating discoveries to be made here.   
GG: oh god rose noooo  
GG: you cant experiment on the poor things!!   
TT: I am not experimenting on them.  
TT: I am experimenting with them.   
GG: THATS NOT BETTER ROSE   
TT: Really, I don't understand why you're overreacting like this.  
TT: I promise you I won't do anything invasive.  
TT: It might be terribly interesting to replicate Milgram's study, though...   
GG: oh my god what is that   
TT: I can assure you, absolutely no one gets hurt.  
TT: You can look it up if you like. It's quite famous.   
GG: i'm afraid to ;_;  
GG: dont hurt them rose  
GG: theyre so sweet and adorable and theyve gone through so much to protect us!   
TT: Exactly.   
GG: what?   
TT: I will not hurt them, Jade. I promise.  
TT: I just want to find out a little more about them.  
TT: And I happen to be in a laboratory.  
TT: Where better to pursue such knowledge?   
GG: but... well ok but im looking that study up!!   
TT: I know you will.  
TT: You care about these adorable half-pint harpies.  
TT: I promise you, they have nothing to fear from me.   
GG: well  
GG: ok  
GG: i believe you then.   
TT: Good.  
TT: Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go make some recordings.   
GG: recordings?   
*tentacleTherapist [TT] has become an idle chum!*   
GG: AAAAAAAAAUUUUUGH!!!!

TG: okay you sadistic she-weasel what the fuck are you doing  
TG: jades flipping the fuck out at me over here   
TT: Is she?  
TT: I haven't the faintest idea why.   
TG: says something about you experimenting on my clones   
TT: I told her, I am not.  
TT: I am experimenting *with* your clones.  
TT: The difference is significant.   
TG: oh yeah and hows that   
TT: To experiment on them implies, essentially, that I am doing things to them, in order to discover aspects of their personalities.   
TG: and thats not what youre doing   
TT: No, that's not the main objective of my studies.  
TT: Though I have attempted to persuade them to fill out the MMPI.  
TT: So far, I have met with limited success.  
TT: And a wide and creative variety of suggestions as to how I should spend my future leisure time.   
TG: ok so lets say youre not growing tentacles out of my clones backs   
TT: My god, that is a brilliant idea.  
TT: Jellyfish genes... I have them...   
TG: stfu  
TG: then what is it youre doing   
TT: Experimenting *with* them, Strider.  
TT: They are not the subjects of my experiment.  
TT: They are not even my control group.  
TT: They are unwitting accomplices.  
TT: As was Jade. She did play her part beautifully, didn't she?   
TG: what the fuck are you talking about   
TT: I'm talking about you, Strider.  
TT: I'm talking about what intricate and perilous psychological mechanisms would compel a man to create a dozen clones of himself.   
TG: to protect you idiots duh   
TT: Particularly when he is clearly confronted with suffiicent anguish by one existence alone.  
TT: Let me take this out of the abstract.  
TT: Why would you do this?  
TT: Why would you create more of you when you are enough of an ontological crisis in yourself?   
TG: i dont know what youre talking about   
TT: You know exactly what I'm talking about.  
TT: It's written in every line you type.  
TT: You have undertaken something of enormous magnitude, Dave.  
TT: Were I not afraid of your ego developing its own gravitational pull and disrupting the entire solar system, I might consider describing it as 'heroic'.  
TT: It has not been easy on you.  
TT: And it has not been without its costs.   
TG: what the hell are you going on about anyway  
TG: its no big deal   
TT: Dave, you have a fucking katana through your chest.  
TT: This is not an argument that you can win.   
TG: look im just trying to keep you guys safe ok   
TT: Let's pretend that is a viable argument for the moment, despite the patent uselessness of your new minions.  
TT: Why would you go to these lengths?  
TT: Why is that so important to you?   
TG: well gee it might have something to do with john getting his dumb ass killed   
TT: But that was hardly your fault.  
TT: Dave... I'm not entirely certain why I feel compelled to say this...   
TG: then try not saying it maybe   
TT: I don't remember. But I know.   
TG: again  
TG: the fuck is that supposed to mean   
TT: I think you know.  
TT: I think you know a lot of things you'll never tell.  
TT: And I'm just trying to get you to understand that I know.  
TT: You can tell me things.  
TT: I am capable of keeping confidences. I just never had a reason to before.  
TT: And I think you need someone to talk to.  
TT: Someone you don't have to worry will get hurt.   
TG: and why do you think id talk to you   
TT: Because I'm all you have.   
TG: seriously ok  
TG: its not that big a deal  
TG: so dont you go freuding out on me  
TG: i am not a repressed viennese schoolgirl  
TG: the katana is not my penis   
TT: Or a transparent metaphor for intense emotional anguish.   
TG: what no  
TG: its a fucking katana ok  
TG: it doesnt even hurt anymore   
TT: "Anymore"?   
TG: aw fuck  
TG: just no ok  
TG: not  
TG: a  
TG: big  
TG: deal   
TT: Fine.  
TT: Clearly battling your way though a postapolcalyptic wasteland after the death of at least one of your friends, and subsequently traveling through time to merge with the amalgamation of a video game abstraction and the ghost of a bird that died under highly suspicious circumstances, and furthermore creating the unbounded existential chaos that is an army of miniature clones of yourself, has had no significant effect on you whatsoever.   
TG: see now were getting somewhere   
TT: Fine.  
TT: But if it had, which it obviously has not, I would understand.  
TT: Not that I have to. Because you are perfectly fine.   
TG: see you really do get it now   
TT: Yes, Strider. Yes, I do.  
TT: At any rate, I just wanted to get those issues out in the open, as it were.  
TT: As to tormenting Jade, well-- I saw a chance, and I seized it.  
TT: You of all people know how irresistible that can be.   
TG: well yeah i bet it was pretty funny  
TG: hey can you send me the logs   
TT: Certainly.  
TT: By the way.  
TT: Disturbing, superfluous, and ineffectual as your clone army might be...  
TT: Thank you.   
TG: jesus you backhand your compliments like a goddamn williams sister  
TG: youre welcome you feckless harpy   
TT: Which one of us has the wings again?   
TG: aw dammit   
TT: I really must research my Greek mythology.  
TT: I would not want to be anything less than completely accurate in my choice of mythological furry aspersions.   
TG: ok whatever floats your boat medea  
TG: later   
*turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]*


End file.
